Poor, poor pitiful me

Seems like nothing’s more fun than a pity party.

From the look of it, everybody’s throwing one…

In business.

In marriage.

In politics.

Especially in politics.

Which brings to my mind the great songwriter-performer Warren Zevon. Today marks the birthday of Zevon, who would’a been 70 if cancer hadn’t nailed him 13 years ago.

Anyway, when I think of loud, obnoxious pity partiers (the news is full of ’em right now), I always think of a song Zevon wrote called “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me.”

Here’s a taste of the lyrics…

“Well I lay my head on the railroad track
Waiting on the Double E
But the train don’t run by here no more
Poor poor pitiful me

“Poor poor pitiful me
Poor poor pitiful me
Oh these boys won’t let me be
Lord have mercy on me
Woe woe is me”

If you’ve never heard the song before, check it out on YouTube.

It’ll be your earworm for the next 24 hours.

So it’s like everybody’s feeling sorry for themselves right now.

It’s all over Facebook.

Waa, waa, waa.

Fer krissakes, if that’s you, knock it the fugk off.

It’s still a new year, though we’re almost done with a full month of it already.

Get off your butt, take a cold shower, get a grip, and do something to make your life better.

Take control.

Start a business.

Download this…

Split-Second Solopreneur

It’ll help.

Is your kid a budding porn star?

You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to know that if your three-year-old boy is waddling around grabbing his crotch, he probably has to pee real bad.

Or maybe he’s just a budding porn star.

Either way, you’ve gotta pay attention to the cues you’re sent by your kids.

Likewise, if you’re in any kind of business for yourself, it’s vital to pay attention to the cues your clients and customers give you.

Like, if a customer mentions that she’s looking for someone to speak at next week’s Rotary meeting, that’s your cue to take advantage of a terrific marketing opportunity.

And if a client tells you he’s hunting for a new logo design, and you don’t happen to do that kind of work yourself, maybe that’s your cue to hunt down a designer for him and get a cut of the action.

All this may seem like a no-brainer, but most solopreneurs miss the boat in the simplest areas.

That’s why a couple of months ago, I dashed out a quick-to-read, easy-to-follow report detailing 78 ways to avoid simple pitfalls that often trip up freelancers and solopreneurs.

You can download the bugger right here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

My best laid plans go awry again

I had intended to spend my New Year’s Eve with a fifth of Glenlivet scotch and a handful of Honduran ceegars.

But as I’m always reminded, the best laid plans…

New Year’s Eve 2017 was spent helping Deb ice her mom’s left leg. A couple’a days before, the docs had replaced her real-life knee with a new one made out of adamantium or some similar alloy.

Pretty cool, actually.

Anyway, when I wasn’t ministering to my mother-in-law for the better part of a week, I did a lot of reading.

So I re-read the late Harry Browne’s classic How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World for the umpteenth time.

The chapter “Freedom from the Treadmill” is especially brilliant. I know I’ve quoted from it before, but let me share this with you…

“The treadmill enslaves many people who can’t conceive that life could be any different. They stay where they are, leaving things as they are, making changes only when someone else initiates them.

“But why should it be that way? You’re a sovereign human being with numerous talents and a great many alternatives available to you. Whether you want to increase your income, reduce your working hours, get out of debt, or work in a less monotonous job, there’s always a way. More than anything, the need is to use your imagination to look for alternatives.”

Fantastic stuff, but here’s the best part…

“The keys to a non-treadmill life are to find out what other people will pay for and to recognize what you’re capable of doing.”

That should be the mission of anyone who’s desperate to leave 9-to-5 wage slavery behind.

My newest report is a handy guidebook to hammering together a more liberated worklife. You can find it right here for a quickie download…


Two ne’er-do-wells, one mic, and solid advice

Occasionally, you get gut-punched so badly that it takes a good long while to get your wind back.

I took a hit last Friday when I learned that my dear, longtime friend Ed Ritchie had died the night before.

I knew Ed for some 30 years.

First, we were business associates. Then, we became friends who shared dreams, goals, meals, girly drinks, and cigars together.

Ed and I learned from each other, and we knew our strengths and weaknesses well enough to regularly call for advice and encouragement.

Last March, Ed was diagnosed with cancer. After a valiant fight, he succumbed to the goddamn monster last Thursday.

In memory of Ed, I’m offering this link to an absolutely free recording of the two of us talking many years ago about a formula we both used to support jobless lifestyles.


You see, one day, we’d sat in front of a tiny Sony tape recorder in Los Angeles to discuss the money-making methods that we then used to finance and maintain jobless — some might say “ne’er-do-well” — lifestyles. We discussed…

Why you should NEVER rely on a single source of income…especially a job.

How to take stock of your hidden assets to launch multiple revenue streams.

How to guarantee you get paid what you’re really worth.

How to make your “work” the next best thing to loafing and taking the day off.

Plus lots of other stuff.

We briefly sold the resulting 60-minute tape — titled “Multi-Track Earning Secrets” — at a few workshops. Then the workshops ended, we both forgot about the recording, and when I rediscovered it much later, I offered it free at this webpage…


Warning: I believe the info is still spot-on, but our references to things like VCR’s and Windows 95 are, well, embarrassingly dated.

Anyway, go ahead and give it a listen.

Won’t cost you anything.

This recording reminds me of some great days with my good pal Ed Ritchie.

I hope you find value in it.

Miss you, Ed!

How much is a cherry really worth?

I don’t know if the bidding is over yet, but a few days ago, someone offered $2.1 million to deflower an 18-year-old model in Germany.

Aleexandra Khefren, with the help of an escort agency, first put her virginity on the market for just a million measly bucks.

Then the bidding got whackadoodle.

Sure, Aleexandra is an attractive young woman, but really? More than $2 million?

Well, there are more reputable — if not exactly simpler — ways to earn money. And I’ve taken just about everything I know from 22 years of freelance experience and crammed it into a quick-to-read, easy-to-follow report I titled Split-Second Solopreneur: 78 Quick Hacks to Snap the Chains of Wage Slavery.

You won’t want to miss this one.

Download it here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

C’mon, guys, get over it!

tantrumIt’s more than four weeks since Election Day 2016, and some folks still can’t get over it.

I’ve seen reports that groups of women are chopping off their hair because they can’t deal with the Trump win.

PR firms in the entertainment and fashion industries are canceling holiday parties in protest of Hillary’s defeat.

Then there’s this delicate flower who wrote a piece last week for the Huffington Post website.

Get this…

“During the final hour of November 8, I committed myself to institutional psychiatric care. A generation or two ago they would have said I was suffering a nervous breakdown: catatonic, plagued by involuntary jerking motions (my head furiously shaking ‘No!’), speech patterns disjointed, weeping uncontrollably.

“Terror drove me to this interrupted state. I was afraid for the nation, for the stigmatized and oppressed. I was also afraid for my own life. Because the values and principles I hold dear felt fatally incompatible with the hate and bigotry that Trumpism had come to stand for. I did not want to live in a world that would elect such a man as president.”

OK, I know mental illness is no joke. But this feller needs to spend some time in serious self-reflection.

This is someone whose life is so wrapped up in and driven by politics that he can’t function if his “team” loses.

He deserves our pity, but he also offers a lesson to the rest of us.

Pal, there are things you just can’t control.

Politics is just one of them.

Death of a loved one is another.

But there ARE things you can control.

One is how you react to, let’s say, a ballgame — or an election.

You can also determine to make changes in your lifestyle, or your livelihood.

And since we’re coming up on a new year in just a couple’a weeks or so, this might be a good time to stop the wailing and teeth-gnashing over things you have no power to change and start focusing on things you CAN change.

I’ve hammered together a report — easy to read and act on — that can move you forward to a freer, more fulfilling worklife and personal life, no matter who the president is.

Download the sucker right here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

Quick, throw it in the trough!

brian-babyAt Christmas time — and we’re just three weeks away from the holiday itself, incidentally — I’m always reminded of the classic opening scene from Monty Python’s Life of Brian.

The Three Wise Men miss a turn somewhere, end up at the wrong stable, and deliver their gifts not to the baby Jesus but to the baby Brian.

Gold, frankincense, and myrrh, right?

“What is myrrh, anyway?” Brian’s mom asks in a piercing voice.

“It’s a valuable balm,” one of the Wise Men answers.

“A balm!” she screeches. “What are you giving him a balm for? It might bite him. It’s a dangerous animal. Quick, throw it in the trough.”

The joke is that gold, frankincense, and myrrh were inappropriate baby gifts.

Fact is, considering the special child they were intended for, those presents were perfect. They were gifts for a king.

Let me ask you this, though…

How well matched are your products and services to your intended customers?

Are you offering them what you think they should want or need? Or are you offering them “perfect gifts” that will genuinely solve problems for them?

Maybe you’re already in your own business. Or maybe you’re planning a new business launch in 2017.

Either way, take the few days left of this year to think through what it is you have to offer. And more important, think about who out there will receive your products and services with open, welcoming arms.

It’ll mean the difference between an empty Christmas stocking or finding real wealth and treasures under your tree.

This new report might help get things in order for you before the start of the new year. Go on. Download it.

Split-Second Solopreneur

What I sang while washing my nasties

shower-headThe house was freakin’ FREEZING when I got up this morning, so I got the water nice and steamy hot in the shower before jumping in, and boy, it felt good.

And as usual I started singing to myself, and what came to mind, appropriately enough, was one of my holiday favorites, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”

I’ve always loved that old 1940s tune, no matter who’s singing it. You know the song. It’s a guy and gal singing back and forth, and the guy’s trying to convince the gal she should stay with him for a romantic evening by the fire because, well, it’s freakin’ freezing outside.

So a few years back, a friend gave me a heads-up that the song’s about date rape.

Just listen closely to the lyrics, she said.

So I did…

I really can’t stay
Baby it’s cold outside
I’ve got to go away
Baby it’s cold out there
This evening has been
Been hoping that you’d drop in
So very nice
I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice
My mother will start to worry
Beautiful, what’s your hurry?
My father will be pacing the floor
Listen to that fireplace roar
So really I’d better scurry
Beautiful, please don’t hurry
Well maybe just a half a drink more
Why don’t you put some records on while I pour
The neighbors might think
Baby, it’s bad out there
Say, what’s in this drink?
No cabs to be had out there
There’s bound to be talk tomorrow
Think of my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can’t stay
Get over that old lie
Baby, baby it’s cold outside

OK, OK, I agreed. If “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” ain’t a date rape tune, it’s at least creepy as all get out.

But that still won’t keep me from singing it in the shower. Not after 50 or so years of having it drilled into my brain by old Christmas albums, TV shows, radio, and shopping trips through Nordstrom.

Some things just stick with you forever, whether old holiday songs or even good business habits.

Speaking of which, I’ve collected a whole bunch’a effective business habits into a brief report that you can download and read in about a half-hour. It’ll give you a jump on your money-making efforts in the coming new year.

Get it here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

The best friggin’ Xmas movies ever

casino-catastrophes-bruce-willis-ventilation-shaftYeah, I know…

We just blew through Thanksgiving, and already, we’re freakin’ sick of all the Christmas claptrap.

But to survive in MY household — and in order to keep my marriage afloat — I’ve just gotta get into the “spirit.”

So holiday music is floating through my house as I write this.

A Christmas tree will be purchased this afternoon.

And very shortly, we’ll begin squeezing in all our favorite holiday movies before Santa’s here and we start moving into 2017.

Our list is traditional — but spiced with the eccentric.

Here you go…

White Christmas — C’mon, who can resist Bing and Danny? And how delicious were Vera-Ellen’s legs?

How the Grinch Stole Christmas — The 1966 cartoon. Accept no substitutes.

Elf — Am I the only one who gets weepy during those final scenes with James Caan?

Die Hard — The worst company Xmas party EVER.

A Christmas Story — Impossible to avoid.

Love Actually — Besides its obvious charms, it features Bill Nighy’s not-to-be-missed Christmas variation on the Troggs’ “Love Is All Around.”

And of course we’ve gotta include at least one adaptation of A Christmas Carol.

I say “Humbug!” to Bill Murray, Jim Carrey, and most of the modern portrayers of Ebenezer Scrooge.

I really like Alastair Sims’ 1951 performance.

But for my money, the best Scrooge of all time is Quincy Magoo, star of Mister Magoo’s Christmas Carol. It was the very first animated TV holiday special, first broadcast in 1962.

Maybe I love it because Magoo is the first Scrooge I remember from childhood.

More likely, it’s because I’ve watched Mister Magoo’s Christmas Carol every Christmas season since I was in the third grade.

None of that really matters, though. I just love Mr. Magoo, voiced by the late Jim Backus. Plus, the songs from that little TV show are still fantastic after 54 years. (Didja know that the same songwriters wrote Funny Girl years later?)

And who the hell can resist the great Gerald McBoing-Boing’s performance as Tiny Tim? (A very rare speaking role for him, incidentally.)

No business or marketing message today.

Just start watching holiday movies these weeks before Christmas. If you’re feeling down, they’ll give you a lift. If you’re already in the spirit, they’ll lift you even higher. Trust me.

Jingle, jingle.

RIP a horrible hornblower

tradition-viking-man-blowing-a-horn-by-edwin-hHeard about the air horn terrorist?

For a few weeks, the sumbitch screwed with the circadian rhythms of folks in El Segundo, California, by blasting an air horn at ungodly hours.

“The sound was like a train coming through the neighborhood,” said an El Segundo cop.

Well, after chasing this guy night after night, he was finally brought to heel last weekend and booked on a misdemeanor charge of suspicion of disturbing the peace. They also impounded his car, with air horn inside.

So why’d this guy expend so much energy terrorizing his neighbors?

Well, cops say they believe he had an ax to grind with someone who “done him wrong.”

Anyhow, justice has been served, and El Segundo residents can again sleep soundly in their beds.

Which brings to mind, just how soundly are YOU sleeping?

Do you sleep peacefully, or are you kept awake from stressing about the economy and the security of your job?

If you ARE having trouble sleeping for that reason, you’ll probably want to read through my latest report, which explains the how’s of building and keeping control of your income.

Go on. Download it here…

Split-Second Solopreneur