My eyeball got squished real bad

I’ve been a certain kind of crazy for the past couple of weeks, preparing for my third eye surgery in two years.

This surgery is pretty standard stuff — cataract surgery on my right eye. But since I wear old-fashioned, hard contact lenses, I’ve gone 14 days without a contact lens at all in my right eye to help the doc get proper measurements for the new corrective lens implant.

And I’m telling you, it’s been a real pain in the patootie.

My left eye sees long, long distances, but my uncorrected right eye sees only fuzziness. So everything’s been a bit harder, a bit more inconvenient, a bit more uncomfortable, a bit more headachy.

Driving’s a no-no, of course; Deb’s my chauffeur. Watching TV is difficult. Reading’s a chore. Writing on the computer is damn near impossible; I have to press my face to the screen, my eyeball practically squished against the glass, to read with any reliability.

Anyway, I’m able to use the contact lens again starting today, so I’ll finally function semi-normally, thank gawd.

Surgery is just 12 days away.

Hallelujah!

There are so many hoops to jump through during pre-op.

But then, there are hoops that have to be addressed when you do just about anything. Like launching a freelance business, for instance.

If you’re in the middle of starting a business as a copywriter, consultant, marketing “guru,” whatever, I can help. In fact, I hammered out a simple report to help you jump through those hoops, or maybe avoid them altogether.

You can download it right here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

Mindless blather at Zorro’s Cantina

We spend every Saturday morning on the patio at Zorro’s Cantina, just a block or so up from the beach.

The Zorro’s breakfast menu is terrific. (There’s an off-menu omelet named after me, but that’s another story.)

Unfortunately, our usual quiet meal this past weekend was disturbed by a fellow loudly and annoyingly monologuing to a woman he was breakfasting with.

She didn’t say a single word, but he rambled on and on about subject after subject without pause.

When he started blowing shit about humbleness, I hadda roll my eyes.

Anyway, his food finally arrived, and I thought, great, maybe he’ll shut the eff up for a couple of minutes.

Nope. He was a master of blathering mindlessly while at the same time shoveling Eggs Benedict into his piehole.

One of this idjit’s remarks was priceless…

“But no matter what, she doesn’t hear a word I say.”

Well, no kidding, Sherlock.

Take a breath occasionally. Allow the other person to speak. And for crying out loud, LISTEN!

Give the other person a chance to say something and they’re much more likely to hear what you have to say.

That’s called “conversation.”

Don’t monologue.

Have a conversation.

You’ll develop better relationships, both in your personal life and in business.

Just sayin’.

Oh, and my pithy report offers a few dozen more tips that’ll help you build better relationships in business. (And it won’t hurt your personal relationships, either.) You can download it here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

The Mantra of the Ignorant and Doomed

Over a cup of coffee this morning, I read a short story by Joe Lansdale, one of my favorite authors and a master of East Texas Noir.

In the course of the yarn, one of Lansdale’s characters, a good ol’ boy named Hap, reveals what he calls The Mantra of the Ignorant and Doomed.

Here it is…

“I don’t know.”

You hear that mantra a lot from punk kids if you ask why they waste precious weekends drunk and spray painting shit on highway signs.

You hear it from young women when you ask why they keep dating the same dickweeds again and again, despite the abuse.

Worse yet, you hear “I don’t know” from a lot of folks when you ask why they suffer in jobs they hate when it’s really unnecessary.

There’s an escape hatch from lousy jobs, you know.

I’ve cranked out a short, pithy report about that escape hatch and how to best take advantage of it.

Quit reciting the Mantra of the Ignorant and Doomed and download the report from here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

Shaken, not stirred

My wife’s drink of choice has long been the Vesper martini — three measures of gin, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet liqueur (replacing the vermouth), shaken well until ice-cold, then served with a thin slice of lemon peel.

Me, I’m a simple scotch on the rocks guy, but Deb’s high-velocity beverage has always impressed me as very James Bond-like.

So last week, I was reading Ian Fleming’s very first 007 novel “Casino Royale” (1953) and came across this startling passage…

” ‘A dry martini,’ [Bond] said. ‘One. In a deep champagne goblet.’

” ‘Oui, monsieur.’

” ‘Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it’s ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?’

“ ‘Certainly, monsieur.’ The barman seemed pleased with the idea.

” ‘Gosh, that’s certainly a drink,’ said Leiter.

“Bond laughed. ‘When I’m…er…concentrating,’ he explained, ‘I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I do like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made. I hate small portions of anything, particularly when they taste bad. This drink’s my own invention. I’m going to patent it when I can think of a good name.’ “

Later in the novel, 007 names it the Vesper, after the first Bond girl, Vesper Lynd.

My wife’s favorite drink isn’t just Bond-like, it was invented by the great (fictional, I know) man himself!

I love making discoveries like that.

When it comes to launching your own business, though, the discovery process can be long and hard and frustrating.

Which makes the special report I recently hammered out for you particularly important.

In just 20 minutes, you can breeze through this report and discover 78 simple “hacks” to help you hit the ground running if you’re wanting to snap your chains of wage slavery.

You can download it here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

Hell and high water

It was a helluva weekend.

Torrential rains and high-velocity winds, with 60 mph gusts, bitchslapped us real good here on the California central coast.

Creeks that are normally dry ran at full capacity, sweeping mud and trash to the beach.

A nearby reservoir that’s been almost bone-dry for seven years rose 25 feet in three days.

On a more personal note, a big honkin’ branch from a neighbor’s cypress tree blew loose and pulverized a section of the concrete block wall in our backyard. Some patio furniture was crushed beyond recognition, but fortunately, Deb’s recently-planted tulips survived.

A neighbor wasn’t so lucky. A eucalyptus tree crashed clear through his roof.

At one point on Saturday, we lost electricity for 12 hours. Friends were without power for upwards of 55 hours.

Yeah, even though it’s been nice to finally see rain this winter after so many years of drought, I’m pretty well done with it.

Enough’s enough.

But I know that weather is something I can’t control.

It’s always gonna do its own thing, whether I’m shaking my fist at stormclouds or not.

On the other hand, there are things we CAN control.

Like properly steering our businesses.

My report on the launching and care and feeding of a small business is still available for download. You’ll find it here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

How sunshine can eff you up

There are a lotta goofy-as-fugk cults out there these days, from Safe Spacism, to Trumpism, to Discordianism.

Any one of those might screw with your head. They probably won’t kill you, though.

But it looks like something called Breatharianism can.

People in Switzerland, Germany, Britain, and Australia have reportedly dropped dead from starvation because they followed its “spiritual” teachings, which involved giving up food and water and trying to exist on nothing but sunlight.

It seems Breatharians think the energy saved on digesting food and drink can be turned into physical, emotional, and spiritual energy.

Yeah, riiiiiight.

The “fasts” seem to last about 21 days before the most diligent practitioners drop dead.

The practice is detailed in a documentary film called “In the Beginning, There Was Light.” It features an Indian guru who claims to not have eaten anything in 70 years.

Sounds like bunk to me.

Just like most of the crap you hear from a lot of so-called business gurus.

They say you can launch your own business with no investment at all.

They say you can “cut and paste” your way to success.

They say you can sit on the beaches of the world and lift nary a finger to make money roll in.

That stuff won’t kill you, but it’ll waste your time and money if you pursue it.

Want the real lowdown on starting a freelance business? Download the whole enchilada right here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

Poor, poor pitiful me

Seems like nothing’s more fun than a pity party.

From the look of it, everybody’s throwing one…

In business.

In marriage.

In politics.

Especially in politics.

Which brings to my mind the great songwriter-performer Warren Zevon. Today marks the birthday of Zevon, who would’a been 70 if cancer hadn’t nailed him 13 years ago.

Anyway, when I think of loud, obnoxious pity partiers (the news is full of ’em right now), I always think of a song Zevon wrote called “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me.”

Here’s a taste of the lyrics…

“Well I lay my head on the railroad track
Waiting on the Double E
But the train don’t run by here no more
Poor poor pitiful me

“Poor poor pitiful me
Poor poor pitiful me
Oh these boys won’t let me be
Lord have mercy on me
Woe woe is me”

If you’ve never heard the song before, check it out on YouTube.

It’ll be your earworm for the next 24 hours.

So it’s like everybody’s feeling sorry for themselves right now.

It’s all over Facebook.

Waa, waa, waa.

Fer krissakes, if that’s you, knock it the fugk off.

It’s still a new year, though we’re almost done with a full month of it already.

Get off your butt, take a cold shower, get a grip, and do something to make your life better.

Take control.

Start a business.

Download this…

Split-Second Solopreneur

It’ll help.

Is your kid a budding porn star?

You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to know that if your three-year-old boy is waddling around grabbing his crotch, he probably has to pee real bad.

Or maybe he’s just a budding porn star.

Either way, you’ve gotta pay attention to the cues you’re sent by your kids.

Likewise, if you’re in any kind of business for yourself, it’s vital to pay attention to the cues your clients and customers give you.

Like, if a customer mentions that she’s looking for someone to speak at next week’s Rotary meeting, that’s your cue to take advantage of a terrific marketing opportunity.

And if a client tells you he’s hunting for a new logo design, and you don’t happen to do that kind of work yourself, maybe that’s your cue to hunt down a designer for him and get a cut of the action.

All this may seem like a no-brainer, but most solopreneurs miss the boat in the simplest areas.

That’s why a couple of months ago, I dashed out a quick-to-read, easy-to-follow report detailing 78 ways to avoid simple pitfalls that often trip up freelancers and solopreneurs.

You can download the bugger right here…

Split-Second Solopreneur

My best laid plans go awry again

I had intended to spend my New Year’s Eve with a fifth of Glenlivet scotch and a handful of Honduran ceegars.

But as I’m always reminded, the best laid plans…

New Year’s Eve 2017 was spent helping Deb ice her mom’s left leg. A couple’a days before, the docs had replaced her real-life knee with a new one made out of adamantium or some similar alloy.

Pretty cool, actually.

Anyway, when I wasn’t ministering to my mother-in-law for the better part of a week, I did a lot of reading.

So I re-read the late Harry Browne’s classic How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World for the umpteenth time.

The chapter “Freedom from the Treadmill” is especially brilliant. I know I’ve quoted from it before, but let me share this with you…

“The treadmill enslaves many people who can’t conceive that life could be any different. They stay where they are, leaving things as they are, making changes only when someone else initiates them.

“But why should it be that way? You’re a sovereign human being with numerous talents and a great many alternatives available to you. Whether you want to increase your income, reduce your working hours, get out of debt, or work in a less monotonous job, there’s always a way. More than anything, the need is to use your imagination to look for alternatives.”

Fantastic stuff, but here’s the best part…

“The keys to a non-treadmill life are to find out what other people will pay for and to recognize what you’re capable of doing.”

That should be the mission of anyone who’s desperate to leave 9-to-5 wage slavery behind.

My newest report is a handy guidebook to hammering together a more liberated worklife. You can find it right here for a quickie download…

http://www.wallyconger.com/splitsecondsolopreneur

Two ne’er-do-wells, one mic, and solid advice

Occasionally, you get gut-punched so badly that it takes a good long while to get your wind back.

I took a hit last Friday when I learned that my dear, longtime friend Ed Ritchie had died the night before.

I knew Ed for some 30 years.

First, we were business associates. Then, we became friends who shared dreams, goals, meals, girly drinks, and cigars together.

Ed and I learned from each other, and we knew our strengths and weaknesses well enough to regularly call for advice and encouragement.

Last March, Ed was diagnosed with cancer. After a valiant fight, he succumbed to the goddamn monster last Thursday.

In memory of Ed, I’m offering this link to an absolutely free recording of the two of us talking many years ago about a formula we both used to support jobless lifestyles.

http://www.wallyconger.com/multitracksecrets

You see, one day, we’d sat in front of a tiny Sony tape recorder in Los Angeles to discuss the money-making methods that we then used to finance and maintain jobless — some might say “ne’er-do-well” — lifestyles. We discussed…

Why you should NEVER rely on a single source of income…especially a job.

How to take stock of your hidden assets to launch multiple revenue streams.

How to guarantee you get paid what you’re really worth.

How to make your “work” the next best thing to loafing and taking the day off.

Plus lots of other stuff.

We briefly sold the resulting 60-minute tape — titled “Multi-Track Earning Secrets” — at a few workshops. Then the workshops ended, we both forgot about the recording, and when I rediscovered it much later, I offered it free at this webpage…

http://www.wallyconger.com/multitracksecrets

Warning: I believe the info is still spot-on, but our references to things like VCR’s and Windows 95 are, well, embarrassingly dated.

Anyway, go ahead and give it a listen.

Won’t cost you anything.

This recording reminds me of some great days with my good pal Ed Ritchie.

I hope you find value in it.

Miss you, Ed!